she was so not down for the gang bang
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
