New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
