I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
