What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
