Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
