last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
