when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
