Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
