She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
