I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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