I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
