Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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