I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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