Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
