you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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