"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
how drunk are you?
Several
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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