I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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