when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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