SEEEEXXX PLEASE
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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