saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
