Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
