She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
