I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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