She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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