He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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