Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
