I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
