dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
