there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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