i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
