Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
