dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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