I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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