Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
