do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
