Dual....:-)
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
