That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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