i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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