I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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