I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
