he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
