4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
