i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
