thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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