everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
