Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
