That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
