I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
