my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
