the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
