I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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