Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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