I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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