So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
