when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
