I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
false alarm. still invincible.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
