I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
