worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
