Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
