and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
