she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
