I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
