You made me cry and you don't even care
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
