he has the hands of the vagina gods.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
