I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
