I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
