let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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