he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
