3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
