Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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