I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
