YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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