Pants 0. Shit 1.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
