omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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