K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
