Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
