My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
