I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
