I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
