if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
